The Hollywood Assistants Handbook: 86 Rules for Aspiring Power Players by Peter Nowalk & Hillary Stamm

Author:Peter Nowalk & Hillary Stamm [Nowalk, Peter & Stamm, Hillary]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Workman Publishing Company
Published: 2008-05-07T07:00:00+00:00

RULE #46: The Big Chill

Break Out the Break

“Omigod, did you hear Madonna is running for president? I just read it on Perez.”

THE NONSTOP RINGING! THE CONSTANT scheduling changes! The fiancé nagging you for the confirmation number for the Kona honeymoon! Sometimes the stress of your new job is going to take its toll on you. You fear you might crack. Hell, you’ve even considered jumping off the roof of your Beverly Hills office building. This is where we come in.

Sometimes the simplest solution to a stressful moment is to take a break. Yeah, right, because your boss is totally cool with you going outside to smoke a doobie. That’s not what we meant. A break in Hollywood does not entail leaving your desk but rather using your desk in new ways.

Look around you. For one, you’ve got Internet access. Just think of the infinite amount of reading material at your fingertips. Blogs, namely, are perfect for a mental catnap. Sure, we’d love to read The New York Times every day but by the time we’re one sentence into the article on the universal health care bill, the boss is blowing orders into his blowhorn. Wait, you don’t think monitoring the Olsen twins’ eating habits is more important than the president’s State of the Union address? Oh, honey bunny. You better start looking for a new job.

Two, personal errands. Pay your gas bill, check your credit card balance, or buy those shoes you found on Zappos.com. E-commerce is key if you’re going to keep that wardrobe spruced up.

Three, personal calls. You say it’s unethical to use the company phone to call your best friend from college who currently lives in Kyoto? Too bad, because you just logged 51 minutes discussing absolutely nothing with him. Don’t lose touch with the people most important in your life. Really, that would be bad. But maybe next time turn the 51 to a more reasonable 15 minutes.

Four, better yourself. Read a book, look into weekend volunteer opportunities, or write an e-mail to your local congressman about the ozone situation.

Point is, it’s imperative to slack off every once in awhile. Otherwise you will quickly become a soulless, boring, one-dimensional leech who does nothing but live for the boss. These people, by the way, are not fun to be around.

OUR FAVORITE THINGS! THE BLOG EDITION

• PEREZHILTON.COM. With trashtastic gossip and scandalous pictures to boot, Perez has brilliantly branded himself as the world’s most renowned and trusted gossip columnist. Permanently situated at the Coffee Bean on Sunset, he’s the first to know who’s going to rehab, who’s sleeping with who, and who’s about to come out of the closet.

• DEFAMER.COM. The Be-All and End-All of Hollywood Behind-the-Scenes Gossip. Don’t be caught with your pants down—look here to find out which conglomerate is planning to lay off thousands of employees, aka you.

• TMZ.COM. Gossip funded by a big conglomerate. That means the paparazzi working for this site actually get paid disgusting amounts to get not only pictures but live

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